


Infinity Guitars

by woollen_pharaohs



Series: Awkward boys in love [2]
Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: (when is it not awkward with these two), Awkward Sex, Beach Trip, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Rimming, or the story with many run off sentences, summer cuties
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-12
Updated: 2017-09-12
Packaged: 2018-12-26 20:06:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12066048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/woollen_pharaohs/pseuds/woollen_pharaohs
Summary: Thanks to Todd, Dirk discovers the internet and uses it to look Things up. Recent google searches include:'How to take your boyfriend on the most brilliantly fun romantic date but which is also low key and chill because Todd would probably like that very much'and,'No i do not want 40 people doing a thing that makes Todd lose interest in me immediately i very much want him to retain interest in my hence why i want to take him on a romantic date that he will love'and,'Why doesn't the internet show me results of a very specific search query i just want Todd to love me'and lastly,'Cute date ideas'.





	Infinity Guitars

**Author's Note:**

> Wow so I’m literally so sorry it’s taken me almost a year to actually write a sequel but better late than never, right? 
> 
> Also I’ve been kind of out of the loop with the fandom in general so I actually have no idea if this kind of fic has been written before or not, but here we go with a cute as heck fic about Dirk taking Todd on a date. Hope you guys like it :D
> 
> (p.s. this one time in 2010 Elijah Wood said he liked the band Sleigh Bells ok... so the relevance of its inclusion is about as relevant as the time it took me to get this sequel out.)

Todd ejects the cassette tape halfway through a song and says, “Alright enough of my own music!”

“Oh but I was enjoying listening to it,” Dirk complains.

Dirk lifts the plastic bag handles of the takeaway food they had bought for lunch and pouts through the loops, making him look like some kind of monkey in the amazon choking on plastic waste.

“You can listen to it later in the comfort of your own home,” Dirk says firmly, “I’m the driver and I want to listen to something else.”

“Is that the rule then?” Dirk questions.

Despondently he drops the loops and fits the takeaway food snug in the foot space. Todd had been the one to suggest ordering lunch out as if they ran some kind of successful detective agency which could afford its dutiful workers to take a full hour for lunch so that they could have the luxury of greasy takeaway food as opposed to 99c cup noodles. Honestly, Dirk was fine with flagrant waste of important detective time so long as Todd brought him along for the ride, in which case it counted as detective work since they could be scouting the surroundings for interconnectivity and the likelihood that an Arby’s could price match a Denny’s.

“Yes, the driver gets to choose. It settled many arguments on family road trips when Amanda and I were kids,” Todd says in a matter of fact tone.

“That doesn’t sound very fair to me,” Dirk says crossly, “Kids legally cannot drive so of course they have no say. Whereas _I_ have my license. I _could_ be driving the car right now if you hadn’t jumped in the driver’s seat first.”

Todd sighs. “Fine. You can pick something from my phone to play.”

“Don’t you have any more cassettes?” Dirk asks eagerly.

Todd pauses, slowing the car down for a red light. The car rumbles on the crest of the hill overlooking the bay.

“It’s been so long since I’ve been to the beach…” Todd says absentmindedly.

Even though he lived close by when he was at college, he was so consumed with his band that he never really found the time to go. The only time he had gone was when his family came to visit and they’d taken him and Amanda for a beach day. He recalls that as soon as they got there, it had immediately clouded over and began raining. He’d been thankful because it cut their visit short. The shorter the better back when he was scamming his own parents for money.

“Um, Todd… the music?” Dirk prompts, “Also the light is green.”

Todd snaps out of his reverie and puts his foot on the accelerator. “Ugh I have a CD case behind my seat. Don’t take your seat belt off! Oh God…”

Dirk throws his arms to the back seat, patting around to find the CD case wedged in the pocket behind Todd’s seat. Once he has a hold if it he flops back, clacking in the seat belt before he gets a stern word from Todd. He unzips the case. CDs are squashed in haphazardly into pages of sleeves which are divided into four compartments on each side. Some compartments have two and even three CDs jammed into the one section.

“What order is this?” Dirk asks as he turns the pages, “It’s not alphabetical… is it by year?”

Todd laughs at the concept of ordering his music. “Just put something on. Anything in there is fine. I’m in the mood for something old anyway.”

Dirk’s fingers stop on a blank CD labelled ‘Sleigh Bells’. Christmas music is for all times of the year considering Dirk never got to experience Christmas like a normal Christmas celebrating person. To him, Christmas songs are just fun jingles with heavily religious overtones that get caught in his head regardless of what time of year it is. Excitedly he picks the CD out and presses it into the player. The sound system immediately starts to play the music and the sheer volume of the electric drum in the beginning of the first song is enough to make Dirk throw the CD case into the windscreen as if it’s a large oblong shaped soccer ball into a goal.

“What _is_ this??” Dirk gasps as he scrambles to nab the case back into his lap, careful not to kick the bag of takeaway food by his feet while he’s at it.

Todd turns down the volume. “I don’t think you’re going to like this. How about you try and find something gentler, like Mumford and Sons.”

“Oh no,” Dirk says, leaning over to turn up the volume again, “I _love_ this! The screaming especially. Is this what you call ‘screamo’?”

“No, not really. I guess they’re alternative?”

“Alternative…” Dirk frowns, “Alternative to what? Wait! Can we play that song again?”

Without waiting for the reign of the driver to grant him the power to control the music, Dirk leans forward and presses the back button on the CD player. He then grabs out a pen and paper from the glove box, rests the paper on top of the CD case and starts writing. Although it’s not very easy because Todd’s driving isn’t the best and the paper is so thin that if Dirk applies too much pressure to the pen he ends up poking a hole through and jabbing the CD case beneath. Frustrated, Dirk hits the back button again and listens keenly to the lyrics before trying to write them down.

“You know you can just look the lyrics up on the internet,” Todd says.

“What, like there’s some kind of library dedicated to song lyrics?” Dirk scoffs, “As if.”

Todd pulls up outside of their office and the music switches off with the car much to Dirk’s disappointment.

“Yeah, there are heaps of online databases with the lyrics of almost every song ever.”

Dirk looks up from his hole riddled paper. “ _Every song ever_?”

Todd shrugs. “Almost.”

Dirk stares at him wide eyed. “What else can I look up?”

 

*

 

Dirk knew very well how useful the internet could be. He knew he could use it to find out absolutely every detail about a person without even meeting them face to face. He also was somewhat aware that the internet could be used to order pizza at a much better discounted price than was possible over the phone or face to face which is honestly a rip off to anyone who isn’t aware of so called ‘discount codes’ on websites for discounted pizza codes. However, he did not know that the internet could be utilitarian in frivolous ways, such as looking up the lyrics of ‘every song ever’ and also things at a matter of utmost secrecy such as ‘how to take your boyfriend on the most brilliantly fun romantic date but which is also low key and chill because Todd would probably like that very much’.

Now, normally he wouldn’t pass the time in such a way particularly during business hours because whilst such research is _useful_ in a manner of pleasing a man he is extremely fond of, it isn’t useful to potential mysteries that require solving. Although, in the grand scheme of things, technically spending his time browsing through the various date ideas as described by Teen Vogue and/or Russell Brand – Britain’s Love Doctor – could all be connected in rather intricate and unforeseen ways, so conclusively Dirk is quite content to pass the time away, as it were.

Besides, his Holistic Detective Agency has seen many a slow day and as Dirk points out to _anyone_ who complains as such, slow denotes movement. The day is not stagnant, time continues to tick on, and one of these days the phone will ring or a rather flustered young woman dressed in an orange sequin two piece will barge in or a paper airplane will fly through the open window carried by the soft summer breeze all of which will be clues in one way or another that a mystery is eager to be unravelled all because on those slow days things were to be done and that was sitting around talking and eating and researching romantic dates.

“What are you doing?” Farah asks from behind him.

Dirk startles and goes to flip the lid of the laptop down only it’s a desktop computer and flipping the lid down would be smashing the screen on his desk so he frantically looks around trying to figure out in a split second how to turn the screen off and in doing so stands up and covers most of what can be seen on the screen with his torso anyway so he supposes that’s going to do the job in the meantime.

Dirk turns around, covering any and all of the screen with his torso and a bit of his arms and probably also some of his trousers if he really thinks about the logistics of arse to back ratio. Farah squints at him, then walks away smiling something cheeky and starts to munch on a dry square of uncooked noodles because after that little splurge on takeout lunch which was _accidentally_ cold by the time he and Todd brought it back to the office, they really can’t afford such luxuries as lettuce and other non-99c food stuffs.

Plus, Farah had teased them both relentlessly for taking so long on their drive when _honestly_ the lunchtime traffic was a lot busier than they both expected. They _really_ weren’t getting up to anything else no matter how much Dirk thought Todd looked really fairly sexy in his sweaty white T-shirt with the summer air lifting off the ocean and into Todd’s stuffy little car. It _sounded_ awful but it really, really was only a little and only because nothing naughty had actually occurred to warrant the relentless teasing.

Well, after Dirk treats Todd to his ultimate date extravaganza with easy-going overtones, perhaps he wouldn’t mind the cheeky remarks Farah makes about the two of them because the blushing on Todd’s face will not in fact be from being in a hot sweaty car for an hour and a half but be from recalling a honey sweet memory, which, if done as per the books, should leave Todd shivering and giddy for more.

 

*

 

As soon as Todd hears the car stop, he starts to lift the blindfold off and asks, “Uh can I take this off yet?”

“No!” Dirk cries, “No, not yet! Let me come around first!”

Todd drops his hand and waits. Dirk opens his door and takes Todd’s hand in his and helps him out of the car.

“Is there much further? I think I’m getting motion sickness…”

“Oh alright, we’re not quite there but I think it’s safe to take it off now,” Dirk says.

Todd grimaces. “Sorry, no I can keep going.”

“Are you sure?” Dirk asks, a gentle hand on Todd’s shoulder.

Todd nods and lets Dirk steer him to wherever this surprise mystery is meant to begin.

“I still don’t understand why our client would want only _me_ to wear a blindfold. Wouldn’t it make more sense for the both of us?”

“Well Todd, I _see_ where you’re coming from,” he says with a chuckle, “But the client left me with specific instructions. Meet at the specified location known only by the Brit and ensure that the American attends in blindfold.”

“Sounds pretty suspicious to me.”

Dirk doesn’t say anything in response. Instead he takes Todd down a series of steps. The further he steps down, the more the texture of the steps starts to change from stone to something fine and gritty beneath. Then after the final step, Dirk takes him across a ground which is clearly sand, and halts. A cool breeze wafts around them, scented lightly with salt. Todd starts to wonder why exactly a client would request to meet in such a discreet manner yet specify a very public and frequently visited public beach. Then again, this person has been in contact with Dirk Gently so Todd isn’t about to think about the motivations of anyone just yet.

“Alright, you can take it off now,” Dirk says and even with his eyes closed, Todd can tell there’s a massively silly grin on his friend’s face.  

Todd lifts the blindfold off and immediately squints from the glare of the sun.

“We’re at the beach!” Dirk cries, throwing his arms up in the air.

Todd shoves the blindfold in his pocket and looks around. The beach isn’t quite as full as it can get on a weekend but there are a few people out and about walking along the shoreline, kids playing in the water and dogs bounding along the sand dunes. And there’s Dirk, standing in front of him beaming with his sun kissed face.

“So where’s the client?” Todd asks.

Dirk draws his lips together in a slight pout. “Oh, they’re coming, later… I thought we could spend some time at the beach! You said just the other day that you hadn’t been in ages. Oh yes… you thought I wasn’t listening to that particular statement, but I _was_!”

It occurs to him then, that this is not in fact a rendezvous with a potential client but a ruse in place of Dirk taking Todd out on a date. The thought is so touching that it almost completely overrides the fact that he was about to ask Dirk if they could go somewhere else… Todd’s beach memories aren’t what he’d call spectacular. Setting foot on the sands of Seattle is threatening to resurface some dreary, raining-on-Dirk’s-parade type memories that is only managing to stay at bay due to Dirk being a literal ray of sunshine in his otherwise dreadfully uninteresting life.

Consequently, Todd puts his negative associations with the beach aside and indulges in Dirk’s little charade because he has made one small mistake… He hadn’t denied the arrival of the faux client. Dirk has dug his own grave for this one.

“Let’s go swimming!” Dirk cries, seizing Todd’s hand and yanking him toward the seashore.

Todd bolts forward with him, slightly flustered by the public display of affection – as he often is – and comes to a halt when the sand changes from fine grains to damp, compacted sand.

“Wait, I didn’t bring my swimwear,” Todd pants.

Dirk has already let go of Todd’s hand and has taken off his shoes and socks and left them in a neat pile in the dry sand when he exclaims, “Oh bollocks, I knew I forgot something!”

“It’s alright,” Todd appeases him, “I’ll just roll up my jeans.”

Dirk frowns. “I don’t think it’s going to make a difference when you swim as to whether or not you have your jeans rolled up.”

“Is it okay if we don’t swim?” Todd asks after he’s done with taking off his shoes and rolling up his jeans, “I’d prefer to have a dry head when we meet the client.”

Dirk doesn’t say anything in response. Instead, he nods, and follows suit in rolling up his pants.

“Let’s just walk along the shore,” Todd suggests.

He takes Dirk’s hand and pulls him toward the shore.

“You know, it’s probably good that we’re not going to swim because I actually… don’t know how.”

“You don’t know how to swim?” Todd asks incredulously.

A wave rushes up the sloped shore and brushes foam over the tops of their feet. Dirk drums his fingers along Todd’s hand at the sensation.

“I mean, I know the general idea. I can probably make a semblance of movements in the water to keep me afloat but I don’t know anything proper.”

Todd smiles. “Well lucky neither of us brought our swimwear or else we’ll probably get swept out into the ocean because I’m a terrible swimmer myself.”

“You _are_?”

Todd nods. He could tell Dirk now. He could tell him how the last time he had been to the beach, he hadn’t even properly gone because it had rained the minute he got there. He could tell him that. Or he could tell him the truth. He could tell Dirk now that when he was in college, his family came to visit and took him on a beach day. He could tell Dirk how he really _really_ didn’t want to spend the whole day out in the sun. He could tell Dirk how his parents insisted he come along anyway because they wanted to take him out of the city for a little while, because he was pale, because he stayed up at odd hours and didn’t eat well and spent all of his parent’s money on band equipment rather than for the medicine of a terrible illness he didn’t actually have. He could tell Dirk that his parents were concerned about him, that they just wanted to make sure he was getting some sun and eating right and he could tell Dirk how he was so mad that Amanda bolted out onto the beach and dove straight in the water, dress and all, in the heat of the summer. His parents had laughed and his mother had dived on in with her and his father had squatted on the shore picking up various shells and critters to show Todd as if he was six again. He could tell Dirk how furious he was. How desperate he was to exit this otherwise happy family picture. How he’d collapsed on the shore with his arms over his head, screaming as he pretended that he was drowning. How he’d gasped for air and sand had got in his mouth and his family came rushing out of the water to bundle him up and take him home.

He could tell Dirk all of that and cut their date short and scoot up on the couch together and watch a movie together but Dirk has clearly put a lot of thought into getting Todd out here and honestly he couldn’t crush Dirk like that. Old Todd would do what he could to get what he wanted but This Todd does what he can to make things right and make people happy and poison bad memories with something sweet and lovely until the bad in him is something of a cautionary tale.

Instead, he holds firmly onto Dirk’s hand and eases the man gently into the deeper parts of the water until the oncoming waves gurgle around the backs of their knees. Dirk holds onto both of Todd’s hands now with a death grip, Todd’s knuckles going white and Dirk’s eyes bright with terror but lips swollen with delight.

“If I’m not wearing the blindfold anymore, how will the client know we are who we are?” Todd asks.

A large wave slaps over a smaller one and licks foamy water up their sides and Dirk laughs out of fright and stumbles into Todd a little. Todd holds onto him, Dirk’s arms now hugging him.

“We’ll worry about it later,” Dirk responds.

Todd smiles. Perhaps there really _is_ a client that they’re meeting.

“Do you want to go rock pooling?” Todd suggests.

“What’s rock pooling?” Dirk asks.

Todd reaches up and presses a chaste kiss on the nape of Dirk’s neck, then says, “I’ll show you.”

Another large wave crashes around them, spraying water over them up to their shoulders.

“Whatever it is, it is actually getting scary being this deep and I should like to get closer to the shore.”

Todd leads Dirk through the water and heads toward the rocks cropping around the corner of the bay.

“So Todd, tell me, is rock pooling where we fill an Olympic pool with rocks? Or… is it… where we play billiards but instead of round Kelly balls we use the roundest rocks we can find like we’re ancient Romans playing on the shores of Seattle… But how would we tell the difference between the solids and the stripes? Perhaps we can use litter from the beach to denote differences in the rock type.”

Todd takes Dirk out of the water and pulls him up toward the rocks. He squats by a pool of water and beckons Dirk to join him.

“Okay,” Todd says, “So the rule is that the first person who spots the coolest critter gets ice cream.”

Dirk grins. “Is this another unfair Brotzman family rule?”

“Actually,” Todd begins, peering beneath the lip of a rock jutting out over the water, “It’s one of my favourites because if _anyone_ spots something cool, we all get ice cream.”

Dirk leans over to try and see what Todd is looking at but doesn’t see anything of note. “How is it judged? What are the coolest critter parameters?”

Todd moves over to inspect the next rock pool. “It has to be something _seriously_ cool. Not something you see often like a seagull or a regular old fish.”

“What’s a regular old fish?”

“Like, you know. A regular one. A not-so interesting one like those tiny little sparkly fish that you see at all the beaches. To win this, you have to spot something _rare_.”

“I quite like the sound of tiny little sparkly fish,” Dirk says moving over to a pool that Todd hasn’t looked in yet. “How about a crab?”

“Depends on the crab. Is it a big crab? Is it a mutant rainbow coloured crab with only 3 legs?”

“I don’t know if these rare cool critters actually exist, Todd. It sounds to me like a very unfair rule.”

“You’ll spot something,” Todd says confidently.

“What if I don’t?”

Todd pauses, hovering over a pool in which a shadow looks curiously like something possibly interesting. “Even if you don’t, the secret rule of the coolest critter challenge is that as soon as the challenge is issued, everyone’s getting ice cream at the end of the day anyway.”

“Oh, I do like that.”

 

*

 

Despite his extremely thorough research, the date doesn’t go exactly as planned. For some reason, Todd keeps thinking that they truly are meeting a client when clearly it was a set up to take his boyfriend on a much needed day in lieu to the beach. At least they’d checked the box of walking along the shore. That showed up on at least 73% of his research on the most romantic things to do on a date. He’d also planned on taking Todd to the city Ferris wheel, have hot chocolates on a waterfront café and take him on a romantic walk through the rose garden with a complimentary photo offered until 1pm but he was already cutting it close on the latter.

Instead of going through the list of an otherwise perfectly planned date, they end up spending most of the day at the beach. Todd teaches him a fun and rewarding game involving rock pools and mythical creatures and he rather likes tiptoeing over the rocks in his bare feet, balancing on the tall rocks and trying not to slip on the small wet ones and prancing all over the place with Todd in hand. They don’t ever actually spot anything _cool_ cool. Todd thinks he spots a baby octopus which turns out to be a coiled up bit of rubbish and is overall very disappointing and depressing considering the amount of litter that bigger fish must mistake for baby octopi. They see plenty of crabs and seagulls and these tiny sparkly fish that Todd insists are at every beach even though Dirk thinks they look like crystals adorning the ocean and would surely guarantee cool points.

The sun starts to get low and orange hues dance across the ocean water and the warm air around them gets all tingly and frizzy with the cool night approaching and perhaps also with Todd resting his head on Dirk’s shoulder as they make their way up toward the road again. Shoes in hand, they meander their way up the stone steps and as promised, they treat themselves to ice cream at a nearby vendor. Dirk’s shout.

They sit on a bench overlooking the beach and watch the sunset, sticky ice cream dribbling down their hands and getting all over their chins when Todd reaches up to kiss Dirk. Mango and chocolate go surprisingly well together, Dirk thinks as their tongues meet and he feels rather like the ice cream he’d just devoured, melting from the heat between them. Todd breaks from the kiss and presses a couple of little smooches on Dirk’s jawline before resting his head on Dirk’s shoulder to watch the last licks of sun rays drop behind the horizon.

“Thank you for today, Dirk,” Todd says softly when the sun has set, “You have no idea how much this means to me.”

Dirk’s heart swells and with a silly grin on his face he smooths the hair away from Todd’s forehead and presses his lips there. “Well, you’ve rather hijacked my plans for the day but we still have one last thing to do.”

 

*

 

“Now Todd,” Dirk says firmly, turning around to lock eye contact, “You must stay here while I – er – make sure I’ve done the dishes!”

Before Todd can protest, Dirk has leapt into their apartment and locked the door behind him, leaving Todd alone in the hallway despite the fact that Todd also has a key and could let himself in if he wanted to. Instead, Todd looks down at his hands which are still slightly sticky from the ice cream he’d not washed off very well. Inside he can hear Dirk muttering something to himself and occasional suspicious noises accompanied by scrambling feet against the floorboards. After approximately two minutes of standing out in the hallway staring at his sticky hands and wondering why on earth Dirk thinks Todd would mind if he has done the washing up or not, he hears Dirk quite loudly call out his name.

Todd fumbles to pull out his keys and steps through the door. All the lights are off in their apartment and dim little candles adorn a pathway to their bedroom. Todd grins. For a moment though, he needs to step off the pathway and jump into the kitchen to wash his hands properly.

Dirk must hear the water running and he calls out, “Oh Todd, I didn’t uh, I didn’t _actually_ do the dishes.”

“That’s alright, I’ll do them so nobody sees the filth that we live in,” Todd replies.

Dirk pauses. Todd leaves the water running.

“Todd come in here a second!” Dirk finally says.

Todd turns the tap off, quickly wipes his hands dry and steps back onto the candle lit procession. The door to the bedroom is left ajar. He nudges it open to reveal a scene out of a romance movie. The bedroom is well lit with candles, the bed is adorned with rose petals in the shape of a love heart and in the centre lies Dirk posed on his side in a sexy position and clad only in his knickers.

Todd puts his hands on his hips and says, “Are you sure this is an appropriate reception for a client?”

Dirk’s mouth drops, speechless.

“I’m joking,” Todd teases and immediately leaps onto the bed.

Dirk catches him with open arms and the quilt gusts upwards from the movement, causing the rose petals to float either off the bed or into Todd’s hair. Dirk thinks the two little petals lodged in his soft curls look extremely cute so he doesn’t bother plucking it away, unbeknownst to him that Todd is thinking the same thing with the rose petal in Dirk’s hair.

Dirk slides his hands beneath Todd’s shirt and runs his palms along Todd’s lower back and says earnestly, “You really didn’t think we were actually going to meet a client today, did you?”

Todd sits up to straddle Dirk’s waist as he tugs his shirt up and over his head. Dirk’s hands fall to the slight curves in his waist.

Between the cloth of his shirt, Todd replies, “We could have been. Everything is connected, you taught me that.”

Todd then carefully drops his shirt off the side of the bed, careful not to toss it into any unprotected flames.

Dirk lifts his chin and puts on a sultry voice that Todd can’t help but smile at when he hears. “Oh yeah, what else have I taught you?”

“What have you taught me…” Todd wonders.

He drags a finger from Dirk’s belly button all the way up to his neck and hooks his chin up as he joins their lips together. Dirk hums into the kiss, sending little vibrations down Todd’s throat that serve to ignite sparks straight down to his groin. The scent of roses tickle his nose in a flurry of deep red coloured by roses and flushed cheeks as Dirk switches their positions, pushing Todd down in the mattress. Todd gasps at the pressure, a hot, damp breath enveloping inside Dirk’s mouth as Dirk grinds into him.

Dirk worries Todd’s lower lip between his, then trails sweet kisses down Todd’s neck, scooting down to undo Todd’s jeans.

He trains his eyes on unsheathing Todd from his jeans as he says, “I can think of something _you’ve_ taught me.”

Todd tries to reply with something more solid but his heart is beating in his ears and his throat is dry from lack of Dirk and the aforementioned man has his concentrating face on and all Todd can manage to say in response is a breathy, “Oh?”

With the jeans off, Dirk starts to work on Todd’s underwear. He hooks his forefingers beneath the waistband and carefully leverages it over Todd’s already considerably hard cock which springs in the air without any obstructions. Todd blushes and sits up to help kick off his underwear and also to distract Dirk from such an embarrassing sight. He loops his arms around Dirk’s shoulders and pulls the man back down to the bed. He flutters his eyes shut and his cheeks are surely reddening deeper when he realises the head of his cock is brushing against Dirk’s ridiculously firm abdomen.

Dirk kisses him then and Todd can feel a smile in the spread of his lips which is most likely a teasing smile but the friction of his cock head against the lip of Dirk’s underwear is tantalising him far too much for him to reprimand Dirk’s cheeky smile. A needy moan escapes his throat, sending a chill down Todd’s body and he hugs Dirk closer, coaxing the man to press into him as he had done beforehand. Dirk gets the hint and lowers his hips. Somehow the friction of cotton on his dick is simultaneously unpleasant and really fucking hot and Todd finds himself driving his fingers into Dirk’s strong shoulders and clawing through his hair and probably moaning something embarrassing.

Things are going pretty on track for Dirk. Step 1: get Todd into the bedroom. Step 2: perform appropriate foreplay. Step 3: treat him to something special. He’s already well into Step 2 and all he needs to do is stay quite focused so he can lead into Step 3 which is proving a little difficult because he has a habit of getting carried away in the moment. And it’s really a little more difficult when Todd is already so hot and sweaty and writhy and moany and no, alright, focus. Today is about pleasing Todd.

Dirk pulls knees together, slides his hands down Todd’s sides and in one quick movement he flips Todd over onto his stomach. Todd makes a surprised little gasp which really helps to strain Dirk’s cock in his undies, but he ignores it. He gently massages Todd’s lower back and tail bone and then coaxes Todd’s hips to rise until Todd has his arse up in the air for him.

Todd paws out for a pillow and squashes it under his chin and tries to look over his shoulder to see what Dirk is up to. All he can kind of see is Dirk’s hair stuck up at odd ends as he peers at Todd’s ass and Todd is about to ask what he thinks he’s doing when a split second later, something wet licks at his hole.

Todd freezes.

Then, he feels Dirk’s hands spread apart his cheeks and the warm, wet lick starts to line his hole, causing Todd to shudder and arch his back into the touch.

He claws at the pillow and blubbers, “When did I teach you that??”

Dirk shuffles in closer and replies, “When you told me I could use the internet for non-useful things. Although, I would argue, this is _very_ useful.”

“Yeah…” Todd says dumbly, “Don’t stop…”

Dirk takes the cue and returns to licking Todd’s asshole, which is apparently something that people like, and well, Todd seems to like it very much. As he licks, he drives a hand to massage down Todd’s spine, rubbing little circles beside each bony knob. He tries out licking one side and using his thumb to lever its way in too, slowly widening Todd’s hole for better access. Todd responds ravishingly, keening into the touch and nudging for Dirk to try thrusting his tongue in as deep as possible, which to be fair, isn’t particularly deep, but Todd seems to like it anyway.

Todd chews the pillow between his teeth and can taste his own hot breath in his mouth. He’s never been with anyone who has been willing to rim him. He’s never even bothered to _ask_. And here Dirk is, licking the walls of his hole with a hilariously weird level of dexterity. Nevertheless, heat ripples with every thrust of Dirk’s tongue. His cock weeps and yearns to be touched, so he snakes a hand down to stroke himself. Not to get off, just to keep the pleasure at a manageable height. He pushes the precum off the tip and spreads it down his shaft as he strokes himself, gentle, trying to keep in time with Dirk’s somewhat frantic little licks.

And Dirk is actually quite enjoying this, surprisingly. He hadn’t actually thought through the practice beyond the logistics of tongue thrusting into hole, and he had definitely not anticipated how _tiresome_ it is, but it is actually surprisingly _fun_. Well, making Todd squirm is fun no matter the method, but this method is proving his favourite so far simply because it has a new effect on Todd that he hasn’t seen before. For that, he feels terribly bad for having to cut the activity short but Todd’s hole is not quite getting as loose as he’d like.

Dirk steps off the bed for a moment to leave Todd gasping and grasping and ass clenching onto nothing while Dirk’s gone. He takes his time away to slink out of his underwear, then emerges back on the bed again a moment later with lube, a condom and a breath mint and with the mint in mouth and the lube on fingers, he coaxes his slick fingers inside Dirk’s eager hole once more. Todd’s legs quiver at the touch and that darn pillow happens to be muffling most of the glorious little sounds Todd’s making, but he’s sure that soon a measly pillow isn’t going to be enough to dampen the noises he’s going to be making.

“How are you going there, Todd?” Dirk asks.

Todd nods frantically as a semblance of an answer. He is, for one, thankful that he has the pillow clamped around his mouth because if he hadn’t, he might be yelling various things that he normally teases Dirk about, and the last thing he wants to be is a hypocrite. Of course it can’t really be helped when he feels the head of Dirk’s swollen cock press against his hole. Suddenly, his vision blurs, tinted with red in want and heat, like a blindfold had just been lifted from his face. A dark world to a bright sunny day. Rolling waves, gentle breeze, Dirk’s soft hair sweeping to one side, eyes sparkling with adoration. Todd can barely remember why he hadn’t wanted to be on the edge of the world with his love, a sinister memory floating around in the sea, reminding him only of what not to be, and who he’s with, and how Dirk deserves the love and kindness that Todd receives in return.

Then, the head slides off, replaced by two lube slicked fingers which press in. Todd chews on the pillow again, huffing as Dirk works his hole wider.

Todd tears his teeth away from the pillow and pleads with Dirk, like he hadn’t wanted to do, like he always does anyway, admittedly. Dirk shuffles to the side and lowers himself beside Todd to kiss him hungrily, still thrusting his fingers at an awkward angle but it’s still doing something, at least. Todd takes the strong taste of peppermint on his tongue and kisses Dirk back with just as much vigour. He wrenches an arm around to rake through Dirk’s hair and a thumb grazing behind Dirk’s ear. He pants in frustration when Dirk breaks from the kiss, a trail of saliva bridging between them snaps when Dirk sits up.

Todd watches Dirk position himself behind his ass again, Dirk’s face coloured as red as the roses and as lovely, too. But Todd has to take hold of the pillow once more when he feels Dirk’s cock pressing against his hole again.

“Please…” Todd begs.

Dirk is happy to oblige. He pushes in slowly, his teeth clenching as the walls of Todd’s cavern enclose around his cock and coax him deeper. He grips Todd’s hips as he does so, the tips of his fingers grazing against what he can reach of Todd’s abdomen, feeling the skin go taut and wriggle against Todd’s stroking. And there it is, Todd’s gorgeous moaning, elicited the moment Dirk buries himself to the hilt. The band of the condom hugs tight around his base and lines a perfectly fitted O around Todd’s hole that he’ll have to ruminate on later. As slowly as he had pushed in, he eases out, carried back out on a slick bed.

He teases Todd for a quick second by pulling all the way out. Todd’s hole puckers and pouts and Dirk watches Todd’s whole body shudder and keen, seeking the return of Dirk’s touch. He wipes a sheen of sweat off Todd’s lower back, finds his grip, then pushes in. There’s that moan again, deep and unstoppable, and accompanied this time by his own. Dirk bites his lip as he starts to build up a rhythm of sorts although he’s never been very good at it, and instead he lowers his stomach down over Todd’s lower back, clasping his hand around Todd’s on his dick and uses the movement there to measure his bucking.

Although, it doesn’t work particularly well, he must admit. The first few minutes results in an awkward friction infested festivity where Todd’s pumping himself just a little too quickly for Dirk to match with his hips and perhaps going in the same direction is probably not the smartest idea inertia wise anyway. And Dirk suspects the problem here is that there’s one too many movements going on here, so to rectify the problem he grabs hold of Todd’s hands and fits them over Todd’s head, pinning him down and with that, he can have one hand on Todd’s wrists and the other on his hip and okay, yeah, that really does work a lot better.

Todd’s eyes go wide and he moans something wet and terrible and he can’t _believe_ Dirk is pinning him down like this. He also can’t believe just how _hot_ he’s finding it. Plus, it’s a really good angle.

“Right there! RIGHT THERE!” Todd cries, biting his tongue afterwards.

“Oh, _here_?” Dirk questions and Todd knows he’s pulling his leg anyway.

Todd groans, feeling Dirk’s large cock slamming right against his sweet spot and once they’ve got it, they’ve got it. Dirk hits it over and over again, pulling out, sliding down tight walls and hitting Todd’s prostate and _oh God_ nothing except the bed sheets are touching Todd’s dick but the friction is somehow enough to make him cum. How embarrassing is that!

Dirk hears Todd grunt and watches his spine shudder and roll like rip curls glinting off light sprays of foam into the summer air. He clenches onto Todd’s wrists and claws at Todd’s hips and he can feel Todd going lax beneath him and just a few more ruts.

Todd’s wrists are really starting to hurt and the only reason he’s paying mind to it is because he’s just ejaculated over their bed sheets and he wasn’t even being touched anywhere _close_ to his dick. He hears Dirk muttering something incoherent and shortly after the sound contorts into a weird, gruff, grunt in a series of hiccups as Dirk cums too. After a moment the weird noises fall to more normal sighs of pleasure and gratitude and Dirk collapses on top of Todd. Todd eases the man off, careful to keep himself still lodged around Dirk’s cock because well, he just doesn’t want to let go yet. Todd slips his hands out of Dirk’s hold and rubs his wrists.

“Oh my God,” Dirk gasps, “I am _so_ sorry!”

Todd glances at Dirk and shakes his head. “No, no it’s alright. It was…. Super hot.”

He then slings one arm around Dirk’s shoulder and pulls him in to rest his head on his chest. Dirk finds Todd’s nipple and gives it a little teething, then a soft kiss, then a hot breath skates over his skin as he speaks.

“So Todd,” He begins, “How would you rate my date out of 10?”

Todd pauses. “This was a date?”

Dirk sits up and slaps his palm against Todd’s chest. “Yes it was a date!”

Todd laughs, “Lie down, Dirk. I’m kidding around.”

Dirk pouts but returns to his previous position. Todd traces a few fingers through Dirk’s hair, parting the fine strands apart and watching the way they fall on top of each other. He suddenly thinks how absurdly hot it is in the room, probably due to all the candle light, but he doesn’t do much about it because he doesn’t want to leave Dirk’s arms.

“I’m waiting,” Dirk reminds him.

Before answering, Todd presses a kiss on Dirk’s head. “Nine out of ten.”

“ _Nine_ out of ten? Why not ten out of ten? No, you know what you’re meant to say, you’re meant to say _eleven_ out of ten. That’s what I would have said.”

“Well, you didn’t deny we were meeting a client until… ever really. So you lose points for making me get into the mindset of meeting a client rather than going on a date with my boyfriend.”

Dirk snuggles up to him and huffs, “I suppose that’s fair. But only Brotzman fair. I thought it was an appropriate ruse that surely you would be intelligent enough to see through.”

Rather than being offended, Todd laughs. He clarifies, “Alright, you get bonus points for being really good in bed.”

“How much are the bonus points worth?”

Todd thinks about this for a moment. “It would put your score up to a solid 14, I’d say.”

“Well by that logic, it’s good to know that you’d consider a date at least average so long as I show you a good time in the bedroom.”

“Oh shut up,” Todd squeezes Dirk. He looks into the man’s eyes, gives him a chaste kiss, then adds, “I had a really fun time today.”

“Honestly?”

Todd nods. “Thank you for being so thoughtful.”

Content, Dirk falls silent, smiling happily into Todd’s nipple as one should be able to do after a very good date and very good love making. The two of them lie in each other’s arms for a long time, exhausted from their huge day and before falling asleep, they both silently hope that they don’t wake up to the house on fire. Although, neither of them particularly bothered to do anything to prevent such a thing.


End file.
